A Life on Fire

A Life on Fire

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While at a stop sign last week listening to pop music (don’t judge), these lyrics pushed their way into my scattered thoughts, “Toniiiiight we are yoooooung, so lets set the world on fire, we can burn brighter, than the suuuun.”

I gave a half snort/half chuckle as I mused that the singer and I probably have very different ideas of what it means to set the world on fire.  Then I realized, perhaps my notion of what it means to be on fire in the world is just as mistaken, or at least incomplete.

When I chose the name Half Kindled, I was filled with the idea that a life on fire was a life full of unquenchable passion.  That a fully kindled life would be one of dynamic, contagious, life changing love; a love that would constantly push out into the world at large where it would transform all whom it encountered.

I still think this is true.  I am just realizing that there is more to a life on fire than this outgoing version of love.  There are also times when this all consuming love looks different.

Many times it looks like suffering.  Long hours of silent, lonely, suffering.  A suffering that reaches down into the core of all that you are and burns away all that does not belong.  And it hurts so much.

Perhaps it is the pain of the hole left behind when the Divine Physician attempts to remove the little selfish attachments that have infected your heart.

Or perhaps it is the pain of having your heart pierced with sorrow as you struggle with the pain caused by physical evils such as sickness or death, or moral evils caused by sin.  And your heart breaks open and burns.

It is in those moments, that your heart can most resemble that of Christ: pierced and aflame with love.

A life on fire is not just for those who are living their passion out in the world; it is also for those who are suffering with great love.  Perhaps few are called to the former, but anyone can participate in the latter.

Some fires have great effect by radiating a penetrating heat.  Others are the still, small flame that shines out in the darkest of nights, and the darkness cannot overcome it.

A Life on Fire

©tacluda /rgbstock.com

My Five Favorite Ways to get Children’s Clothes (a.k.a. How I Clothe My Kids for Little to No Money)

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After the heaviness of recent posts on depression and grieving (not including the kindle article, that was supposed to be humor), I figured it was high time to move on to something light and fluffy around here.  Thus I present these two cuties:

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Although upon further reflection of my extensive experience carrying them around, I must say they are neither light nor fluffy.

Here they are dressed in their Sunday best.  These days I hear so many people and news articles commenting on how expensive kids are.  In many regards they are right, but there are always strategies for how to cut costs, it just takes some creativity.

For me, I like to start from a principle of only having as many items of clothes as my kids could reasonably wear in two weeks (with extra bottoms factored in for when we are potty training).  In addition to limiting purchasing, this also gives the added benefit of incentive to do laundry every 7-10 days to stay on top of things!  I also limit each kid to around three pairs of shoes: sandals/winter boots, sneakers, dress shoes.

Using these guidelines as a starting point I make a list of how many and what types of items my kids will need.  For example Sammy’s summer wardrobe could consist of something like: 8- 10 short sleeve shirts/ polos, 2 button down dress shirts, other dressy clothes like vests, bow-ties, suit jacket, 2 long sleeve shirts, 7 shorts, 10 pants, swimsuit, light jacket, sandals, sneakers, and dress shoes.  All of the bottoms more or less co-ordinate with all of the tops so that he can get himself dressed without looking too . . . creative.

Here I present my five favorite ways to clothe my kids for little to no money:

1. Gifts/ Hand-Me-Downs – So it goes without saying that when trying to save money on children’s clothing the best place to start is free.   We have been fortunate to have friends who have passed on a lot of really good quality hand-me-downs.  I make note of what we need in my home management binder so that I can refer to it, instead of having to climb up to the attic every time I need to see if we need any size nine month boys jeans, for example.

2.  Yard Sales- These have the lowest prices for clothes, but can be hit and miss.  You can get a bunch of Gymboree clothes in great condition for 50 cents a piece, or you can invest a lot of time running around to different sales and find nothing.  If you enjoy the thrill of the hunt (and are looking for a bunch of other things, like housewares) this route is worth while, if you don’t then skip it.  This approach is great for getting clothes and shoes for upcoming seasons to fill in the gaps from your hand-me-downs.

3. Thrift/ Consignment Stores- Thrift stores usually have cheaper prices, but consignment stores usually have better quality.  In general I favor consignment, but I do a bit of both.

4. ThredUp-  Basically an online consignment store.  I have gotten both of my kids new swimsuits with tags for less than 10 bucks with shipping.  The best part?  They offer referral credit!  If you click on this link you can get ten dollars to do a little shopping of your own.  In the interest of full disclosure, if you use this link and end up getting something with the credit, I also get $10.  I love their service enough that I would send referral links even without the credit.  It makes me feel like some big philanthropist giving away “free” money.  Everybody gets $10!

5. Retail Stores- My least favorite option, not just because it is usually the most expensive, but because for me it usually involves shopping with kids *shudders at thought.*  Also, I have the misfortune of living in a town where the only retail option I like is Target, though they do have cute kids clothes.  While you can get brand new clothes on huge clearance with retail (I have friends who are seriously good at it) I personally don’t care for this option as it often requires some advanced planning around sale events.  I prefer going with options where I know I can find like new clothes for at least 60% off all the time, no need to plan around sales.

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My handsome little man: dress shirt and pants were gifts; seersucker suit jacket- 50c at a yard sale; Calvin Klein vest and dress shoes- $5 from Consignment Store; Bowtie- Gymboree bought new for $3. Total spent on outfit: $8.50. Sweet!

Jenny wrote a great post recently in which she talked about how she purged her kids wardrobes when she “Kondoed” her house.  She has been loving this system and I believe using less clothes per kid than I do.

Also Kendra wrote this post last month where she showed her Tween girl’s capsule wardrobe.  This wardrobe includes more pieces than I do and is for an older child, so you can see a different approach.  It made me look forward to mommy daughter shopping trips when Ana gets older.

Thats all for today, linking up with the lovely Jenna at callherhappy.com, for 5 Favorites!

 

What are your favorite tips for clothing your kids on the cheap?  Let me know in the comments!

Requiem for a Kindle

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Goodbye my friend, it was good knowing you.

Kindleited

1.  Ok, so maybe I am being more than a tad melodramatic.  But as you longtime readers here know, I had a very close relationship with my kindle.  It was a learning tool, a sanity saver, and my book therapy.  And now it has bitten the dust.

2.  Er, I suppose bitten the floor would be a more accurate phrase.  Said floor biting came courtesy of my almost two year old.  As near as I can figure she saw that mommy was stressed out while Sammy was puking yesterday and thought that I needed to de-stress with a good read.  Sadly she dropped the kindle a few times on the way to bringing it to me.

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The culprit, caught red, er yogurt handed doing time in the tub after a separate infraction.

3.  Today I spent probably 40+ minutes on the phone with Amazon spread out over 3 calls and 5 different technicians.  I was hoping against hope that they could help me fix it or could offer me a discount on a refurbished model, but alas no luck.

4.  Instead I spent the time assuring each of the different technicians that, yes I had tried turning it on and off again, and yes I had tried plugging it in, and yes I had tried resetting it, and that it was still unresponsive.  By the time I got to the last technician my end of the conversation went something like this in reverse:


5.  Now I am looking on e-bay, all of craigslist (http://www.searchcraigslist.org/), and amazon for a kindle.  In the meantime the kindle app on my phone is having to pick up the slack.  Talk about first world problems.

6.  Ironically I was just about to post a rave review of Overdrive after I discovered it at my library.  Free borrowing of e-books!  I am in heaven.  My trips to the library don’t involve enough time without toddler wrangling to be able to select books from the adult section (by which I mean not-childrens section), so e-books have been a lifesaver.  Getting them for free makes it even better!  I just finished up an awesome book by Brene Brown through Overdrive.

7.  Very consistently google search keywords  of: half, kindle, screen, show up on in the top ten search phrases that lead people to this blog.  Needless to say they usually don’t find what they are looking for.  Today said searchers may not have constructive tech advice, but they do have my sympathy.

Linking up with Kelly of thisaintthelyceum.com for 7 Quick Takes.  Happy Friday everyone!

Hope for the Future: A Blog Hop on Post-Partum Depression and Anxiety

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Today I am honored to be joined by some immensely talented ladies (who also happen to be among my favorite bloggers) to commemorate May as Maternal Mental Health Month.  We all wanted to come together to provide a resource for women to read the stories of multiple catholic mothers who are having to bear the difficult crosses of depression and anxiety, both to provide support for those who are struggling with them, and to raise awareness on the topic for those who have not personally experienced it.  

Hope for the Future 2

Photo courtesy of Fetsko Images

Dear fellow suffering mother,

I see you, forcing the smile as you hold your precious young child.  You were up in the wee hours of the night, putting the baby back to sleep again. Your exhaustion is palpable, your nerves racked, and your newly altered body a stranger to you.

The sense of Isolation encloses you, trapping you in its prison.   You miss the company of other adults, but you are afraid to reach out for help.  In your mind all of your friends have their own problems to deal with.  You think to yourself, “I should be able to do this on my own.  This is my responsibility.  I just need to try harder, be stronger, and things will come together.”  Except despite all or your best efforts, you aren’t able to reach the goals you have set for yourself.  You decide to not leave the house until you get your act together.

You spend immense amounts of time and energy, worrying about your baby’s welfare, spending long sessions with “Dr. Google” trying to make sure that everything is normal.  Now that there is this magical invention of the internet, you think that if you just do enough research and work, you can be the perfect mother for your child.

Any deviation from your predetermined philosophy of “THE ONLY RIGHT WAY TO PARENT,” results in an internal barrage that you can’t silence.  Inability to exclusively breastfeed your child?  He will grow up to have a whole assortment of difficulties from asthma to low IQ, and it is all your fault.  Baby wearing makes you claustrophobic?  Clearly you care more about your own anxieties than your baby’s sense of security.  Or at least this is what you tell yourself as you lie awake, exhausted, but unable to sleep.

You feel like you are walking on eggshells all the time, afraid that at any moment you might snap and release a barrage of tears or anger.

And then panic attacks come.  You feel like you will die.  You feel your throat closing, dizzy from lack of oxygen, fearing the worst.

Then there is the shame.  “Why do I feel like this?  I love my baby more than life, but I hate being a mother.” You convince yourself that you can’t tell anyone what you are feeling, for fear of judgement.

Besides, surely this is just baby blues, you say to yourself, “I have no right to go get treatment when there are so many women who are surely suffering worse than I.  It is just a testament to how pathetic I am that I can not handle this with ease.”

Out of fear of suffering a stigma attached to a “maternal mental illness,” you keep quiet.  You keep your head down and just try to survive each day.  Who knows what horrible things could happen if you reached out for help.  In your vivid imagination every scenario ends poorly.  They might put you on medication that makes you psychotic, or worse take your children away from you.

Perhaps you even start to think that anyone else could do a better job as mother or wife.  You wonder if maybe your family would be better off without you . . .

Stop.  Its not true.  I know, I have been there too.

You are NOT a failure.  You are a beautiful, hardworking, loving mother, who is giving her all.  A mother who is suffering from an illness.  And it is NOT your fault.

Despite what other’s might say, you did not chose this.  This isn’t some spiritual weakness that you can cure through more prayer.  Clinical depression is not despair, nor anxiety a lack of trust in God.  They are biological and psychological conditions, not something you are choosing to bring upon your family because you are “evil” or “weak.”

You bear a heavy cross.  Like all other crosses you didn’t pick yours out nor can you choose when to put it down.  You are not weak for needing help.  Even Christ had help carrying His cross.

Please don’t make the mistake of thinking you are not deserving of receiving help! Don’t prolong your suffering, thinking that these trials are just something that needs to be offered up.  Parenthood presents its own myriad set of challenges and trials for your sanctification, but this does not have to be one of them.  You deserve to be well again.

I am not going to insult you by saying if you just do x, y, or z you will feel all better again.  Each person’s situation is unique and deserves a custom approach to treatment.  Find a professional that you are comfortable with and they will be able to work with you to find the course of action that is the best fit for you.  Some people are able to find relief just by diet changes, or progesterone shots; others find therapy to be immensely helpful; others find that taking medication makes a world of a difference; still others do a combination of the above approaches.  Find what works best for you and don’t let anyone shame you for how you choose to treat your illness.

More than anything, I want you to know that you are not alone.  How I wish I could be sitting with you and talking about these things face to face, instead of separated by screens.  I wish I could be there in person to comfort and encourage you.  I don’t pretend to have all, or even most of the answers.  Heck, I am still trying to navigate this myself.  But somehow these struggles become easier when they are shared together.

You are not alone and you are not weak.  You are a fighter.  You are more than a fighter.  You are a mother.  That is the strongest synonym for brave that I can think of.

Your Sister In Christ,

Katherine

 

Please take some time to check out what the other ladies participating in the blog hop have to say!  

A Knotted Life

Call Her Happy

This Felicitous Life

Mama Needs Coffee

Check out That Sunset

Please share this article with anyone you think it might help!

Have you or someone you know ever suffered from depression or anxiety?  What was your experience like?  What did you learn through the process?

Kindleited

Atheist Wizards, Desperate Mothers, and Dead Mockingbirds, (A.K.A. What I’ve Been Reading Lately)

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So many books, so little time to write about them!  Here are some of the highlights of the past few months.

Harry Potter and the Methods of RationalityHARRY POTTER AND THE METHODS OF RATIONALITY

By Eliezer Yudkowsky

After posting my review of the final two Harry Potter books last fall, a friend challenged me to read this quite lengthly spin off.  I would say that the most accurate description is that of atheist, Mary Sue, parallel universe, fan fiction.  That being said, the plot is engaging, and kept me rapidly page turning despite its many flaws.  The best parts are when it stays close to its source material, while still poking fun at it (I’ve gotta agree its hard to see the proud Salazar Slytherin putting the opening to the Chamber of Secrets in a bathroom).  Unfortunately, the Mary Sue, aspect of the work becomes apparent rather quickly as Harry’s character is dramatically different and while logical and humorous, not particularly likable.  Finally, the work seems to be intentionally way longer and more complicated than was necessary.    

DESPERATE: HOPE FOR THE MOM WHO NEEDS TO BREATHE 

By Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson

I really wanted to love this book, and had hoped that it could be helpful to me.  It wasn’t.  While the authors aptly describe the difficulties with being a stay-at-home mom, their solutions while valid are rather general and vague (ex: make your home a peaceful environment, don’t isolate yourself at home).  Frankly, a lot of their solutions are out of reach for the most “desperate” of mothers who lack the funds for such things as babysitting, or housekeeping.  So too, their reminders that this season of life when we have children under three or four won’t last forever, is not particularly helpful for those who expect to have a large family and perhaps have a child under three for the next twenty years or so.   Nota Bene: This book is not written for those who work outside of the home and seems to disparage those who willingly make this choice.  If you are looking for a helpful book on bringing peace to your life as a mother, skip this one and check out A Mother’s Rule of Life, for concrete and helpful suggestions.

TO KILL A MOCKING BIRD

By Harper Lee

Inspired by our trip down south in February, I moved To Kill a Mockingbird to the top of my “to be read in 2015″ list.  Less than a day later I had finished it.  Such a fantastic book; probably my favorite piece of American Literature from the 20th century.  I feel like anything I have to say about it right now cheapens it, as if I haven’t earned the privilege yet.  I would love to analyze the technical details of what it is that I enjoyed so much about Harper Lee’s style, but to do so would involve dissecting it into pieces and I am not ready to do that yet.  Bottom Line: if you haven’t read it yet, get a copy pronto!

BUILDING A LIFE OUT OF WORDS

By Shawn Smucker

This book came at the perfect time for me.  In it the author tells how he transitioned to freelance writing for a living after his painting business failed. While the primary thrust of the book deals specifically with life as a writer (to this end it includes several essays from others who make their living writing), at its core it is a book about following your dreams.  I started reading it shortly after Nathan and I had made the leap and started our own business, and there were so many parts that any new small business owner could relate to.  I especially liked the analogy to driving at night and only being able to see part of the way, but perhaps my favorite passage compared owning your own business to being an alien on a rollercoaster.  A great book for writers, business owners, and dreamers alike.

 

THE POWER OF HABIT: WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO IN LIFE AND BUSINESS

By Charles Duhigg

An excellent book for those who want to understand how habits operate on both a personal and institutional level.  Very helpful for those who want to make or break new habits.

There are several other books that I have been reading lately that I hope to review about later (such as A Wrinkle in Time).

I also skim re-read All the Money in the World, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and the Nesting Place.

Linking up with Anne at ModernMrsDarcy.com for QuickLit, and Rachel of Efficientmama.com for Five Faves Wednesday.  Happy Reading, may your books be plentiful and their plots engaging!

Have you been reading any good books lately?  I’d love to hear about them, tell me in the comments!