Tag Archives: Healthy Living

Hope for the Future: A Blog Hop on Post-Partum Depression and Anxiety

Today I am honored to be joined by some immensely talented ladies (who also happen to be among my favorite bloggers) to commemorate May as Maternal Mental Health Month.  We all wanted to come together to provide a resource for women to read the stories of multiple catholic mothers who are having to bear the difficult crosses of depression and anxiety, both to provide support for those who are struggling with them, and to raise awareness on the topic for those who have not personally experienced it.  

Hope for the Future 2

Photo courtesy of Fetsko Images

Dear fellow suffering mother,

I see you, forcing the smile as you hold your precious young child.  You were up in the wee hours of the night, putting the baby back to sleep again. Your exhaustion is palpable, your nerves racked, and your newly altered body a stranger to you.

The sense of Isolation encloses you, trapping you in its prison.   You miss the company of other adults, but you are afraid to reach out for help.  In your mind all of your friends have their own problems to deal with.  You think to yourself, “I should be able to do this on my own.  This is my responsibility.  I just need to try harder, be stronger, and things will come together.”  Except despite all or your best efforts, you aren’t able to reach the goals you have set for yourself.  You decide to not leave the house until you get your act together.

You spend immense amounts of time and energy, worrying about your baby’s welfare, spending long sessions with “Dr. Google” trying to make sure that everything is normal.  Now that there is this magical invention of the internet, you think that if you just do enough research and work, you can be the perfect mother for your child.

Any deviation from your predetermined philosophy of “THE ONLY RIGHT WAY TO PARENT,” results in an internal barrage that you can’t silence.  Inability to exclusively breastfeed your child?  He will grow up to have a whole assortment of difficulties from asthma to low IQ, and it is all your fault.  Baby wearing makes you claustrophobic?  Clearly you care more about your own anxieties than your baby’s sense of security.  Or at least this is what you tell yourself as you lie awake, exhausted, but unable to sleep.

You feel like you are walking on eggshells all the time, afraid that at any moment you might snap and release a barrage of tears or anger.

And then panic attacks come.  You feel like you will die.  You feel your throat closing, dizzy from lack of oxygen, fearing the worst.

Then there is the shame.  “Why do I feel like this?  I love my baby more than life, but I hate being a mother.” You convince yourself that you can’t tell anyone what you are feeling, for fear of judgement.

Besides, surely this is just baby blues, you say to yourself, “I have no right to go get treatment when there are so many women who are surely suffering worse than I.  It is just a testament to how pathetic I am that I can not handle this with ease.”

Out of fear of suffering a stigma attached to a “maternal mental illness,” you keep quiet.  You keep your head down and just try to survive each day.  Who knows what horrible things could happen if you reached out for help.  In your vivid imagination every scenario ends poorly.  They might put you on medication that makes you psychotic, or worse take your children away from you.

Perhaps you even start to think that anyone else could do a better job as mother or wife.  You wonder if maybe your family would be better off without you . . .

Stop.  Its not true.  I know, I have been there too.

You are NOT a failure.  You are a beautiful, hardworking, loving mother, who is giving her all.  A mother who is suffering from an illness.  And it is NOT your fault.

Despite what other’s might say, you did not chose this.  This isn’t some spiritual weakness that you can cure through more prayer.  Clinical depression is not despair, nor anxiety a lack of trust in God.  They are biological and psychological conditions, not something you are choosing to bring upon your family because you are “evil” or “weak.”

You bear a heavy cross.  Like all other crosses you didn’t pick yours out nor can you choose when to put it down.  You are not weak for needing help.  Even Christ had help carrying His cross.

Please don’t make the mistake of thinking you are not deserving of receiving help! Don’t prolong your suffering, thinking that these trials are just something that needs to be offered up.  Parenthood presents its own myriad set of challenges and trials for your sanctification, but this does not have to be one of them.  You deserve to be well again.

I am not going to insult you by saying if you just do x, y, or z you will feel all better again.  Each person’s situation is unique and deserves a custom approach to treatment.  Find a professional that you are comfortable with and they will be able to work with you to find the course of action that is the best fit for you.  Some people are able to find relief just by diet changes, or progesterone shots; others find therapy to be immensely helpful; others find that taking medication makes a world of a difference; still others do a combination of the above approaches.  Find what works best for you and don’t let anyone shame you for how you choose to treat your illness.

More than anything, I want you to know that you are not alone.  How I wish I could be sitting with you and talking about these things face to face, instead of separated by screens.  I wish I could be there in person to comfort and encourage you.  I don’t pretend to have all, or even most of the answers.  Heck, I am still trying to navigate this myself.  But somehow these struggles become easier when they are shared together.

You are not alone and you are not weak.  You are a fighter.  You are more than a fighter.  You are a mother.  That is the strongest synonym for brave that I can think of.

Your Sister In Christ,

Katherine

 

Please take some time to check out what the other ladies participating in the blog hop have to say!  

A Knotted Life

Call Her Happy

This Felicitous Life

Mama Needs Coffee

Check out That Sunset

Please share this article with anyone you think it might help!

Have you or someone you know ever suffered from depression or anxiety?  What was your experience like?  What did you learn through the process?

Letter to Ana 3.0

Dear Anastasia: A Letter to My Daughter on 50 Shades of Grey

Letter to Ana 3.0

I have a custom of writing letters to my children when they are young.  In general, these letters are very personal and a gift that is only shared with the recipient.  Due to the alarming popularity of the “50 Shades of Grey” book and upcoming movie, I decided to make an exception in the case of this letter.  Please note that I have not read the book, nor do I ever intend to.  My understanding of it is derived from a fairly brief summary, and that degree of detail has proved more than sufficient for me.     

My Dearest Anastasia,

Hello, my daughter.  Right now you are just a baby sleeping on your father’s lap, totally at peace in his arms.  Someday, though, you might be in another man’s arms and I wanted to pass on a few suggestions for how to find someone worthy of that honor.

You see, there is a book that is quite popular right now.  I won’t bother to name it since I am sure that by the time you read this it will have long been forgotten.  This book tells the story of a young woman’s sexual relationship with a sadistic man.  Normally, I don’t give such filth a second thought, but while reading a critique of the book, I learned the young woman’s name: Anastasia.

Then the book changed.  Instead of seeing it as just another smutty story, it became personal.  It began to represent a future that I hope you will never have to experience.  It led me to think of some things to suggest for you to avoid in future relationships, as well as qualities to look for in a potential husband.

First, if a man tries to control you or coerce you into being the perfect partner for him, run away from that relationship and don’t look back.  Love isn’t about controlling another person in order to maximize your own satisfaction.  It is about giving generously of yourself, and in so doing becoming who you were meant to be.  Love doesn’t force another person to conform to his or her own standards of perfection, but rather provides gentle guidance in trying to become more like Christ.

Another thing to beware of is a man who refers to virginity (either his or yours) as something to be taken or lost.  Virginity is a gift of oneself to another.  If any man talks of taking it or asks you to “lose” it to him, he does not understand the value of the gift you have to offer and is not properly disposed to receive it.

From what I understand in the aforementioned book, the main male character requires Anastasia to sign a non-disclosure agreement so that his various sexual exploits will be kept confidential.  I presume he thinks that this will provide him with the means to engage in a more “liberating” sexual encounter.

It should come as no surprise to you that your father and I have entered into a formal agreement of a sexual nature.  Ours goes something like this: “I take you to be my lawfully wedded spouse, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.”  It is only in this type of an agreement that one can experience the true freedom that comes from giving oneself to another completely and unreservedly for life.

The reason that the male character desires Anastasia to sign the non-disclosure agreement is because he is a sadist.  He derives pleasure from causing her pain.  My daughter, I hope and pray that you will never find yourself in a relationship with such a man.  No matter how convincingly he may profess to love you, it is a lie.

Love never finds pleasure from inflicting harm on the beloved.  There can be no true union of persons when one is using the other as an object to satisfy their lust.

Some proponents of such a lifestyle argue that the pleasure doesn’t come from the inflicting of pain, but from the trust that the victim places in the aggressor not to permanently injure or kill them.  At this point words fail me.  Hoping that the man who is abusing you for his own pleasure won’t kill you hardly seems like trust to me.  Rather, true trust is pledging your life and your heart to another, come what may.

Finally, my daughter, please know that no matter what choices or mistakes you may make, I will always love you.

Nothing you can do or say could ever change my love for you.  If you ever want to talk about anything or need a safe place to run to, I will always be here for you.  Your father and I love you more than life itself, we would gladly die to save you.

As much as we love you, there is one who loves you even more.  He has already died to save you.

Should you ever fall, run back into His arms in the Sacrament of Confession.  It is there that He will hold you close to His pierced heart in the most loving of embraces.  If you ever need a model of true, selfless love, look to Him my daughter.

In Him I Remain,

Your Devoted Mother

Do you ever write letters to your children?  What are some pieces of advice that you want to impart to them on the expression of love in a relationship?  What are your thoughts on the “50 Shades of Grey” saga?  

Due to the nature of the post, I ask that all comments be kept discrete and charitable.  Thanks!

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Pure as Driven Snow 2

“Pure as Driven Snow”: An Attempt at Cognitive Reassociation

One winter morning last month, I awoke to a world transformed.  An ice storm had come and encircled every detail of the landscape.  Pine trees appeared aged, stooping under their new found weight, while bare branches seemed to youthfully adopt their new radiant attire.

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All pictures in this post are my own.

Initially, I glanced unimpressed at this scene, viewing it as another dreary winter day.  I envisioned the ice holding sleeping blooms of the trees hostage, stifling them, suffocating them.  I saw no beauty against the background of the grey sky.

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Then I recalled a similar day several years ago.  A young woman, just past the cusp of adulthood was out enjoying just such a day.  She and her friends shrieked in delight as they struggled to maintain their balance, catching hold of each other.  Peppering the outbursts of joy was childlike wonder at the beauty surrounding them.  Each tried to capture a piece of what that day meant, one through photos, another through a poem.

A brief search produced the poem my friend had written, and a more extensive one produced the pictures I took.  As I savored the words and photos I realized in this very moment I am faced with a choice.

I can choose to be burdened by winter and groan under its weight, like the pine trees, or to revel in the myriad possibilities for beauty that today brings.  Perhaps I can reclaim the part of my youth when the sight of snow filled me with wonder at the strange new world it brought, and the prospect of playing in the wonderland it created was a cause for joy.

 

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II.  

Imagery is powerful.  It speaks to us in the recesses of our hearts, touching on memories and emotions that have woven themselves into the very fabric of our identity, bringing them to the forefront of our minds, often without  our conscious decision to do so.

When the imagery is associated with positive emotions and memories, the experience can be pleasant such as the smell of pine at Christmas time, a photo from your wedding day, the sound of a newborn baby crying for the first time.

Unfortunately, when the imagery is associated with a past trauma or occasion of pain, one can be flooded in the present moment with the pain of past experiences.  Sometimes you can avoid the triggers, but other times they are things that must be faced.

When facing imagery that evokes a pronounced negative experience, it can be helpful to take a step back and try to shift the associations away from the negative experiences to more positive ones.  This can be done in a few different ways.  One can reflect on the negative image and try to discover/rediscover positive aspects of it.  Another approach would be to try to make new happy memories to associate with it.

One example of how Catholics frequently use this technique to great effect, is when sufferings are re-framed as an invitation to join Christ on His way of sorrows, to pick up the cross you are presented and with open arms to suffer with the Beloved.

The first part of the article shows an attempt to cognitively shift my associations with snow in particular and winter in general from my negative perceptions and memories to more positive ones.  In my case, I am working to change my associations with snow and ice from feelings of being trapped, helpless, and afraid.

I was in two car accidents because of snow; in one the car flipped and I found myself suspended upside down in the air, trying to figure out how to escape without falling on broken glass.  I had only been driving at 25 mph.  Ironically, this accident was less traumatic than the other, because I was an adult when it happened.

After the first accident I was scared of leaving the house if there was any snow on the ground (which in the snowbelt of NE Ohio is pretty much all winter).  Every time I was in a car I feared that we would get in an accident, and this time someone would die.  Snow represented a very real fear of death.

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For me this has been a challenging process.  Frankly, I am far from where I want to be in the journey.  I have been able to shift some of my perceptions, but many images still are defaced with the scars my mind projects onto them.

The good thing about scars though, is that they are wounds in the process of healing; they don’t bleed or throb anymore.  The One Who accompanies me in this journey has scars of His own.  Scars which fill me with great hope, for they speak to me of love’s power to heal even the most painful of wounds.    100_0577

 

 

None of this is intended as psychological or medical advice.  I am not trying to play psychologist, just trying to pass along information that I have found helpful.  

 

Have you ever used cognitive reassociation?  Did you find it helpful?  

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Pure as Driven Snow 2

 

7_quick_takes_sm1

7 Quick Takes- Colds, Whole 30, and Camping, Oh My!

7_quick_takes_sm1I am officially joining up with Jen at Conversion Diary for my first ever Seven Quick Takes Posts.  To any first time visitors, I apologize.  You aren’t catching me at my best because:

1.  My whole family has had a nasty head cold for over 11 days now.  This cold is a ninja.  You think you have it under control and you are on the mend, and then it rebounds and you find yourself walking around with a roll of toilet paper.  And you foolishly take the toilet paper to Mass, where your toddlers attempt to tp the pew with it while you pray.

2.  After returning from vacation, Nathan decided to join me in a Whole 30.  For those of you unfamiliar with the concept you basically only eat whole foods like fruits, vegetables, and meat for a whole 30 days.  The list of banned foods includes: anything with gluten; anything with dairy; all grains (rice, oats, quinoa, etc); chocolate; alcohol; potatoes; beans; peanuts; honey; stevia; any baked good, even if it isn’t made with any of the aforementioned ingredients.  Its like Lent, but only for 30 days.

We were doing it primarily because we felt we needed a nutritional “reset” and that our bodies were craving super nourishing foods.  As an added bonus, he has lost 15 lbs.  I lost 3, because that’s how my body rolls when breastfeeding.

3. To compensate I have been binging on books.  I have read about 2,000 pages in the past two weeks . . . and the vast majority of it has been Harry Potter.  I never read it as a kid, so I thought I would give it a try.  Thus far I have mixed feelings, but will withhold final judgement till I am finished with the series.

4.  My son is obsessed with the piano guys CD.  Fortunately I approve of it, and find it enjoyable to listen to.  My favorite track is this one:


Sam’s favorite track is of course this one:

In order to listen to the entire CD and not just track 6 on repeat, I told him all of the songs were about Darth Vader.  Now as we listen to the CD, he will narrate the life of Darth Vader to Ana: “This is where Dark Vader fell in love.  He had two babies, Luke and Leia. Oh, now R2D2 is falling in love!”

5.  I am remodeling the laundry room!  So excited!  No more will that room be the domain of spiders and the occasional banana slug.  I started painting last night and met my goal of finishing one wall.  Nathan was not thrilled when he walked in, at 10:00 P.M. to find me gleefully dancing on my step ladder with a loaded paint brush.  Nevertheless, he lovingly offered to help me.  After we had finished, I offered to play video games with him.  We both went to bed happy.

6.  Nathan and I are on a Stargate Atlantis kick right now.  At least once a week, one of us sneaks up on the other and pretends to suck the life out of the other like a wraith.  We may or may not have done this in the basement of the library before we were dating.  It was one of the first times he thought he loved me, haha.

7.  We are going on our first family camping trip this weekend.  I have visions of Sam trying to re-enact Curious George Goes Camping by running away into the woods and getting sprayed by a skunk. Fun fact: Nathan wanted to go camping for our honeymoon.  I refused.

Have a great holiday weekend everyone! Any big plans for how you are going to spend it?

 

 

Sneeze

You Are Not in Control of Your Body

This is pretty much the story of my day today. . .

This is pretty much the story of my day today. . .

Neither am I for that matter.  Can’t believe it took me this long to fully figure it out.  I mean I have known aspects of this for sometime now.  Watching loved ones die of cancer, or develop dementia is all that it takes to drive the reality home.  No one would choose to let their body or mind turn against them in that way.

Yet, I found that I had fallen for a subtle illusion of seizing complete control over my body.  In following an ancestral health way of eating, (which has helped me greatly) I found myself swayed by some of its more zealous proponents claims: “If you just do A, B and C, (oh and D-Z as well) you will not suffer from cancer, allergies or even the flu; not only that but you will be your ideal body weight and free from any skin blemishes!”

Now don’t get me wrong, I am a huge believer in living a healthy lifestyle.  What I came to realize, however, was that I was pursuing it in an attempt to bring back the Garden of Eden and in the process setting myself up for some major disappointment.

Dramatically cleaning up my family’s diet has greatly improved my asthma  and allergies and my families overall health, but we still get sick from time to time.  In fact as I write this my son Sammy and I are having a horrible day where allergies are concerned (side note, he asked me today to get the “itchies” out of his eyes and nose, it was pretty funny).  And now I am finally realizing that to some degree, that is part of life.

Nutritious food and exercise just aren’t capable of reversing all of the physical consequences of sin.  No matter how many new vacines, or anti-biotics are developed, disease will remain a fact of life.  The possibility of perfect health in this world has been sadly lost.

Now, I am not saying that we should give up on our health altogether, or not to use the means at our disposal to improve it.  Quite the contrary, I know that I need to seek to live a healthy lifestyle to be a good steward of the body I have been given.

What I am going to change, however, is my vainly pursuing physical health out of a desire to gain perfect control over my body; seen in that context, good health can easily become an idol.

While I won’t ever gain perfect control over my body, I do of course exercise control over it.  Which brings me to face the scary reality:  all that I am in control of is my will.  It is how I exercise that control that will determine my destiny.

Have you ever experienced great health benefits from a certain plan of eating or exercise?  Have they ever been a distraction for you?  I would love to hear about it in the comments!

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