Tag Archives: Love

Am I going to

“Am I Going to Die Mama?”

That was the question that my almost three year old son asked me over breakfast this morning.  I paused for a moment, taken aback.

“What makes you ask that, honey?” I said.

“Am I going to die?” He responded, more insistently.

“Yes, you are Sammy.  So am I. Every one dies at some point in their life.”


“Well, honey, everyone is born with sin on their souls.  Do you remember Adam and Eve? Well, they disobeyed God, they told Him that they didn’t want to serve Him.  They sinned and that sin has been spread to everyone in their family.  We are in their family.  Everyone you know is in there family, that is why people get sick and die.”

“Oh.” he said, pondering what I had just told him.

“What made you think about dying, Sammy?”

“Because Mary told me, mama.  She asked me to be on the cross for a few minutes.”

At this point, I am completely taken aback. . . stuttering for words I ask him, “What was Mary like?”

“Beautiful . . .she is like . . .  she is Jesus mommy.”

“Yes, she is.”

“Will, I die soon, moma?”

“I don’t know Sammy.” I said fighting back tears.  “I am going to do everything I can to keep you healthy and happy.  I want us to have a long life together.  Sometimes accidents happen and people get really bad boo boos, or get really sick.  But do you know what?”


“You have God in your soul right now.  When you were baptized, God came to live in you.”

“Fr. W——– baptized me? And I have God in my soul?”

“Yes, Sammy.”

“When I die Mary and Jesus will be there, she told me.”

“That would be very beautiful.” I say, unable to stop the tears welling up in my eyes. “You don’t have to be afraid.”

“Can I go play?”

“Yes, baby, you can go play now.”

A moment later, I am standing in the kitchen.  Holding his sister close to my heart, feeling her head against my chest, tears roll down my face into the sink full of dirty dishes.

I don’t know if I have a toddler who is a little mystic, or just has a very active imagination.  But I do know that his words have reminded me that our time together is passing by.

Some days, this whole motherhood thing seems like more of a cross than a blessing, though I suppose it is both.

So often, I wish away my time with them, counting down the hours till bed time, or the years till they will be older and I will have more time for myself, to read, to write, and just sit and think in blissful silence.

Then I realize it all could be gone in a flash.  I could have all the time in the world to spend on whatever pursuits I want, but instead will spend it longing for the blessings I currently enjoy.

Our time together is precious.  And exhausting.  But it is so worth it all.

And so, for the rest of the day I choose to live in the moment, and savor the giggles and smiles, and drink in the excitement and energy that these little ones exude.  And I am grateful and happy, just to have another day to be their mama.

photo (14)



Have you ever had an experience of realizing you could loose someone you love and it makes you realize how grateful you are to have them in your life?  Have you kids brought up any existential conversations lately?  Please tell me about it in the comments!

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I wrote this article last week, on the day it happened.  Also, heads up with November being the month we Catholics remember the faithful departed, I will probably be writing a few more posts on Death (and life) in the upcoming days.  I am not obsessed with death or anything, it is just on my mind a lot at this time of year.  

Catholic Wedding Gifts

Favorite Catholic Wedding Gifts

Catholic Wedding Gifts

Hello all, happy Wednesday.  So I know most people don’t have weddings on their mind at this time of year, but in our house it seems like we are invited to a wedding every month or two.

I guess that is the hazard of having lots of friends and family; also it comes with the territory of having a husband who is a fantastic singer, his musical services are in high demand come wedding season.  One year we attended nine weddings.  Its a good problem to have.

In light of all of these weddings, I have fallen behind in gifts for all of them, and have been using the past few weeks to get caught up.

Most of the weddings we go to are Catholic, so I compiled the following list of explicitly Catholic gifts to give:

1. Papal Blessing

The most beautiful and unique gift on the list.  Papal blessings are not to difficult to obtain.

Step One: Get on a plane to Rome . . .just kidding.  Applying in person is one option, but you can also apply by letter or fax ( guidelines can be found here).


img7732fs Classic Blue Baptism Candle

2.  Personalized Candle

These could easily be made from pure beeswax, or bought from a site such as this one.

Include instructions to burn it every year on the couple’s anniversary.



3. Rosary

I especially like giving rosaries like this one, where it is actually two rosaries that are united at the crucifix.



4.  Religious Art

I especially like giving icons of the holy family.  Or any icon in general, because Eastern art is awesome.




Wall Hanging Byzantine Cross

5.  Crucifix

This is my default gift of choice.  I usually include a note in the card about how marriage is supposed to resemble the sacrificial love between Christ and the Church.  A crucifix is a great examination of conscience in determining how closely one’s love has conformed to that of Christ.



Well there you have it.  Hopefully at some point I can do a post on handmade gifts (for those of all faith backgrounds) that I like to give.  God Bless!

Linking up with callherhappy.com for Five Favorites Wednesday.


What are your favorite wedding gifts to give?  If you are married, what was your favorite gift that you received?

*These are not affiliate links.  I have not in any way been compensated for these suggestions.* In fact I have a rather poor relationship with one of the nuns in the Office of Blessings in Rome after she thought I was stealing someone else’s blessing.  It all worked out in the end.



Sacred-Heart-of-Jesus Greatest is Love

Death’s Revelation of True Greatness

February was a hard month.  In addition to the bleak skies and restlessness that generally accompany the winter season, this year brought struggles of a decidedly more permanent nature.

Towards the beginning of the month, a friend from college died suddenly.  When you are only in your mid-twenties, it is quite a shock when someone younger than you dies.

In the following weeks, my grandfather passed away from cancer.  Thankfully, we had the comfort that he had lived a full and blessed life and the ripples of his legacy will continue to reach many.

In the next few days, I learned that the child of a dear friend had passed a way.  The silence of this absence shouted volumes.

I found myself pounding the counter asking, no, shouting a single question to God: “WHY?!” I remember telling Him in no uncertain terms what I , the clay, thought of the Potter’s plan, knowing full well I will take back my words some day.

My thoughts, too, turned to memories of the sort of lives my grandfather and friend lived and the legacy they left behind.  Naturally, when confronting death one begins to ponder what sort of legacy they will leave behind.

When I am called before the throne of God to give an account of my life, how much wasted and ill spent time will I have to address?

How many wasted minutes and hours will have been spent aimlessly scrolling through my feed on facebook, while my precious children look up at me with eyes pleading for my attention?

How much effort will I have poured into decisions of such import as which particular shade of gray I should paint the bedroom?

How often will I have sought to find happiness in a carton of ice cream knowing full well that it is not going to fulfill me.

Now I don’t want to come across as condemning social media, decorating, or ice cream.  These are all things I do dearly enjoy and believe can have a place in a well lived life.  It’s just a question of how big of a place.

Facing the deaths that February brought reinforced my desire to examine life in general and try to discover what living, really living, looks like.  I needed a reminder that this gift of life I have been given isn’t meant for complacency, but for greatness.

Up till now, I thought that greatness was illusive at this stage of my life.  Here I am, a young mama to two little ones who demand so much of my time and energy.  I yearn to do great things with my life, yet my daily duties often leave me confined to my home.  How am I supposed to do anything important, when most of time is spent in childcare?

Filled with frustration, I turned my thoughts back to my deceased friend and grandfather.  What was it about their lives that made such an impact on me?  By the world’s standard’s neither had done anything astounding, yet their impact on others was profound.  What they lacked on their resume of professional accomplishments, they provided in their quiet virtue and great love.

Their lives are my reminder then, that greatness is not achieved through intellectual accomplishments, athletic prowess, or artistic creation.  It must be fought for on the battlefield of the will.

This variety of greatness is possible for me to achieve in my hidden life at home, albeit with more struggle than I should like.  It is a type of greatness that the world often does not recognize or acknowledge.

These loses provided me with the powerful reminder that whatever goals I may hope to achieve, which one must take priority.


Sacred-Heart-of-Jesus Greatest is Love


Have you ever had this realization driven home?  Did it take the death of a loved one, or did it come in a more gentle format?  


P.S.  It took this post ( http://modernmrsdarcy.com/2014/09/resume-eulogy-virtues/ ) from the ever insightful Anne of modernmrsdarcy, and the TED talk she referenced, to finaly clarify my thoughts enough that they could be distilled into this post.

P.P.S. Check out the fantastic five minute TED talk here:


Inside the Pregnancy Center: Not Manipulation, but Unconditional Love

Today, I am so excited to share with you a guest post that I wrote for CatholicHousehold.com detailing my experiences volunteering as a peer counselor at a Crisis Pregnancy Center.  One aspect of my work there involved meeting with women considering having an abortion.  If you are curious to learn what that looks like, please head over to http://www.catholichousehold.com/inside-pregnancy-center-manipulation-unconditional-love/ .  Here is an excerpt:

After volunteering at a Pregnancy Resource Center, abortion is no longer primarily a political position, or a catchy slogan. Nor is it a nameless, faceless evil that is far removed from everyday life. It becomes something real and personal. It has a face and a name. It is “Rachel,” the woman who cries herself to sleep every night holding the ultrasound picture of the unborn baby she was pressured into aborting. It is “Sarah,” who continues to grieve the abortion she had decades ago. It is “Anna,” the teenager who describes her previous abortion as “the worst experience” of her life. It is “Jake,” the man who came to tell his story of manipulating his former girlfriend to have an abortion; with tears in his eyes, he asked that his story be told so that his unborn child’s death will not have been in vain.  . .”

This is the project I referred to last week.  It has been a difficult and emotional post to write, but I hope that it will prove useful in raising awareness about the important work done by Crisis Pregnancy Centers.

Please consider donating to our local Pregnancy Center if you are able https://secure.ministrysync.com/ministrysync/event/website/home/?e=5628 .  As you can see in the article, our center provides essential services to the women and children of our community.


Please share the article to raise awareness of the important work of Crisis Pregnancy Centers!  

Have you ever worked at a Pregnancy Center, or in another part of the pro-life movement?  I would love to hear about your experiences positive or negative in the comments.  Please remember to keep it civil; disagreement is fine, insults are not.  Thanks!

Letter to Ana 3.0

Dear Anastasia: A Letter to My Daughter on 50 Shades of Grey

Letter to Ana 3.0
I have a custom of writing letters to my children when they are young.  This letter is one such example.  In general, these letters are very personal and a gift that is only shared with the recipient.  Due to the alarming popularity of the “50 Shades of Grey” book and upcoming movie, I decided to make an exception in the case of this letter.  Please note that I have not read the book, nor do I ever intend to.  My understanding of it is derived from a fairly brief summary, and that degree of detail has proved more than sufficient for me.  I would rather remain ignorant of all the sordid details.  

My Dearest Anastasia,

Hello, my daughter.  Right now you are just a baby sleeping on your father’s lap, totally at peace in his arms.  Someday, though, you might be in another man’s arms and I wanted to pass on a few suggestions for how to find someone worthy of that honor.

You see, there is a book that is quite popular right now.  I won’t bother to name it since I am sure that by the time you read this it will have long been forgotten.  This book tells the story of a young woman’s sexual relationship with a sadistic man.  Normally, I don’t give such filth a second thought, but while reading a critique of the book, I learned the young woman’s name: Anastasia.

Then the book changed.  Instead of seeing it as just another smutty story, it became personal.  It began to represent a future that I hope you will never have to experience.  It led me to think of some things to suggest for you to avoid in future relationships, as well as qualities to look for in a potential husband.

First, if a man tries to control you or coerce you into being the perfect partner for him, run away from that relationship and don’t look back.  Love isn’t about controlling another person in order to maximize your own satisfaction.  It is about giving generously of yourself, and in so doing becoming who you were meant to be.  Love doesn’t force another person to conform to his or her own standards of perfection, but rather provides gentle guidance in trying to become more like Christ.

Another thing to beware of is a man who refers to virginity (either his or yours) as something to be taken or lost.  Virginity is a gift of oneself to another.  If any man talks of taking it or asks you to “lose” it to him, he does not understand the value of the gift you have to offer and is not properly disposed to receive it.

From what I understand in the aforementioned book, the main male character requires Anastasia to sign a non-disclosure agreement so that his various sexual exploits will be kept confidential.  I presume he thinks that this will provide him with the means to engage in a more “liberating” sexual encounter.

It should come as no surprise to you that your father and I have entered into a formal agreement of a sexual nature.  Ours goes something like this: “I take you to be my lawfully wedded spouse, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.”  It is only in this type of an agreement that one can experience the true freedom that comes from giving oneself to another completely and unreservedly for life.

The reason that the male character desires Anastasia to sign the non-disclosure agreement is because he is a sadist.  He derives pleasure from causing her pain.  My daughter, I hope and pray that you will never find yourself in a relationship with such a man.  No matter how convincingly he may profess to love you, it is a lie.

Love never finds pleasure from inflicting harm on the beloved.  There can be no true union of persons when one is using the other as an object to satisfy their lust.

Some proponents of such a lifestyle argue that the pleasure doesn’t come from the inflicting of pain, but from the trust that the victim places in the aggressor not to permanently injure or kill them.  At this point words fail me.  Hoping that the man who is abusing you for his own pleasure won’t kill you hardly seems like trust to me.  Rather, true trust is pledging your life and your heart to another, come what may.

Finally, my daughter, please know that no matter what choices or mistakes you may make, I will always love you.

Nothing you can do or say could ever change my love for you.  If you ever want to talk about anything or need a safe place to run to, I will always be here for you.  Your father and I love you more than life itself, we would gladly die to save you.

As much as we love you, there is one who loves you even more.  He has already died to save you.

Should you ever fall, run back into His arms in the Sacrament of Confession.  It is there that He will hold you close to His pierced heart in the most loving of embraces.  If you ever need a model of true, selfless love, look to Him my daughter.

In Him I Remain,

Your Devoted Mother


Do you ever write letters to your children?  What are some pieces of advice that you want to impart to them on the expression of love in a relationship?  What are your thoughts on the “50 Shades of Grey” saga?  

Due to the nature of the post, I ask that all comments be kept discrete and charitable.  Comments are moderated, and I reserve the right to delete comments I deem inappropriate (haven’t had to use that right yet, thankfully).

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